Sunday, February 23, 2003

The drive back from Jax was terrible in the rain. We made it back in one piece and we both had a good time visiting Nancy and Dave and baby Jacob. But lord... driving back was just awful! Poor Paul had to struggle with it and the icky construction and the icky traffic. I kept trying to fall asleep because then I would be spared having to watch (and spared a developing anxiety attack) but I kept jerking awake and asking him if everything was ok. I begged him to slow down a few times. Paul knows I hate it when people still speed in inclement weather. Hello!? Limited visibility! Slow the f*** down! He's so patient and I am sure I was making him bananas.

I don't know why I'm feeling like I do. panic attack waking me up last night, then another threatening to develop on the way home... stress rash on my neck making me itch like crazy... but I can't pinpoint what it is that is making me high strung right now. If I knew what was causing this latest round of freakydeakies I could start coping.

When we got home we had a messge from Dad. Dad's called to tell me relatives from Maine are here and to see if I wanted to go to lunch with them all. Which ruins my workout plans. Originally Dad was coming over to go to the park and fly kites. He's been missing me and we'd agreed kite flying sounded fun. So I planned on flying for a bit, then letting Paul fly while I took my laps around the park. Now that we're going to have visitors, I feel obligated to go to lunch and then hang for a decent interval before I can escape and go do my own thing. Goodness knows how long that will be. These visits stretch out for hours and hours.

I don't want to sound ugly but I don't remember my "cousin" or even exactly how we're related. I don't know her spouse nor her kids. They are strangers to me. I wouldn't know them if I passed them on the street. I had no idea we had relatives in Maine! My parents have never taken us to Maine to see them. How did they get to Maine in the first place? When did they leave Panama? Is she my first cousin? Second cousin? What? I THINK she's a first cousin... my Aunt P.'s daughter in Chicago... or is she someone else?

And isn't it terrible that I just would rather take my walk?

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